Posts Tagged ‘ history ’

Murphy’s Law

Murphy’s Law. For those of you who don’t know what that law is, it is the law that if something wrong can happen, it will.

This is a very powerful law and makes itself known at the worst of times… When something can go wrong.

The biggest question though is: Who is this Murphy?

As a follow-up question: Why does he have such a terrible law to his name?

This is a tragic story about the 1300’s Jesus Murphy.

Jesus Murphy is an Eastern Canadian man who has been laced into the local culture since his life there. A proud lumberjack of a great lumberjack family line Jesus Murphy didn’t need much, he had friends and family and his very own house. A house that he had built himself with the spare lumber he harvested that year. [The house was demolished in 1567 due to a bunch of  controversy around his name.]

Unfortunately Jesus Murphy always spoke about how he had a looming cloud of misfortune and swore that one day it would be his end.

Even more unfortunate was that it was.

Jud Akinnas the Mayor of the village that Jesus Murphy resided in suffered from Night Terrors as well as Sleep Paralysis (further explained here). This is a very terrible set of conditions to have. One night during one of Juds spells he saw Jesus Murphy in his nightmares. He swore he was more clear than ever and Jesus Murphy had been casting bad omens upon him. He ended up gathering the whole village against him and soon Jesus Murphy was a wanted man.

Jesus Murphy knew this was his time, he didn’t want to give up his family or friends by fleeing, as he knew his misfortune would catch up to him eventually.

So he submitted to the village. They tied him to a maple tree and wrapped his head in pine needles. He was then fed only maple syrup until he passed away 5 days later.

Many believed this treatment of Jesus Murphy was unjust and others believed he was a saint. And thus a small group of devout followers started a religion on him. This was ingrained into the Eastern Canadian culture but the religion quickly disappeared in the 1400’s leaving only the name and the law.

Murphy’s Law.


~Gaian Helmers



To the Throne Room

We are all royalty when on the trusty (and sometimes untrustworthy) throne. It may not be glamorous but we all need to use the bathroom eventually.

But why is it that we call it the Throne? Many are told that it is because indoor plumbing was first created for royalty and often used very fancy chairs with holes through them as toilets.

While true it is not the reason why it is called the Throne. A few decades before the posh toilets of the modern kings and queens there was a king.
King Borough Thadius from the now lost nation of Frede’lachower (located in the current north of France). Borough had a digestive parasite known as Intestinal Mites, they feed on nutrient saturated intestinal flora and cause extreme diarrhea.

As you can safely assume, Borough spent most of his time in the bathroom, so much so that his servants began to joke that it was the new throne Room.

Jokes soon became reality when the king decided to added matters of state from within his new throne Room.

He passed away a few years later from lack of nutrition, his brief use of the bathroom as his throne Room left a lasting expression among his nation and it soon spread globally.

Let us all thank King Borough Thadius for making our trip to The Throne Room a little more fancy…


~Gaian Helmers


The Chicken or the Egg

The egg dates WAY before the chicken, so the egg.

The real question is what came first, the chicken or the chicken egg.

The answer is quite simple, the chicken had to come first. Evolutionary traits come from reproduction, passing on certain genetic traits as well as traits appreciated over the animal’s life. Therefor a pre-chicken evolved into a chicken, then created the first chicken egg.

Basically: Hyper Super Raptor Egg > Chicken > Chicken Egg.

Unfortunately the Hyper Super Raptor went extinct soon after chickens came to be.


~Gaian Helmers


The name Pat

After the creation of the common day spatula, there was an uprising in the name Spat. Symbolizing a fiery powerful explosion and the creation of an amazing cooking utensil it make sense to use the name.

Soon Spat became a very common name and thus was deviated to Sput, Spet, Spoot and Pat.  The other names quickly fell into obscurity but from then on Pat has become a very common name. Also creating the names Patrick and Patrice.


The first known use of the name Pat was in 1777. Given to Pat *McGreg— in Ireland.


* The name written on the document was smudged and lost to time.


~Gaian Helmers


Ancient Pine Tree

After the Cambrian Explosion a species of tree grew lush on the super continent Pangaea.

Known by scientists as “Pinus Terra” this incredible pine tree grew upside down. The trunk, branches and needles all grew below ground only exposing its roots to intake carbon dioxide.

The impact this tree had on the world should be known by everyone as this tree later evolved to poke its soft tender needles out of the ground taking over the surface as grass. This is further validated by the fact that grass is found on all continents including Antarctica.


~Gaian Helmers


The “Spat” in “Spatula”

The origins of the Spatula:

In the 1500s ‘a strange phenomenon was popping up all around europe… Houses were exploding.

This was caused by the buildup of ash and fat on the bottom of their iron cookware known in the day as “Spat”. The modern way to remedy this issue (modern at the time) was to use a Spatula, a flat metal paddle like object with a wooden handle. One would pull their pot to the side of their hearth and scrape chunks of spat off the bottom of the pot, break it up into smaller chunks and feed it to the fire to keep it burning longer.

In 1743, a spanish chef discovered that he could use his spatula (it is unknown if it was clean) to flip and shift the food on his pan with more dexterity than a knife or fork. This discovery created the spatula we know of today.

The combustive power of spat is caused by the buildup of carbon and fat on the bottom of the cookware. Normally the fat would slowly burn and crisp or spats would fall off early. But when built up into a sizable piece and put directly into a hearth fire would cause it to rapidly combust, much like early black powder.

Hope you enjoyed this read. Look forward to the next update on Wednesday.


~Gaian Helmers