Posts Tagged ‘ man ’

Transit Farers

Many people who frequently use Public Transport while also sleeping have developed a keen sense of inertia and G forces.

Those who frequently sleep while riding the bus register inertia forces, signature of a complete stop which either happens at a red light or at a bus stop. This allows them to wake up at their proper stop. Those who have advanced senses of these forces can detect the right number of stops and wake up only at their actual stop.

Humans are evolving in amazing ways.


~Gaian Helmers




Hiccups are a very curious condition. They come up when you laugh or when you eat dry foods. Very contrasting causes for the same result.


Hiccups are actually your bodies way to counter heart attacks.

Insane conclusion? Absolutely not.


The portion of your brain that calculates physics, (things such as throwing a ball or deciding how fast something is travelling towards you when crossing the street) is actually monitoring very precise cycles such as your heart beat, your intestinal rhythms and your breathing. When your heart beat is falling out of rhythm it may lag too far behind and ‘skip a beat’ this would trigger a heart attack and potentially kill you.

There for your brain will start to make you hiccup (contracting your diaphram while taking a deep inhalation of air) in order to pump your heart and forcefully beat it back into synchronization.


Our bodies do an incredible bunch of things to maintain our health.


~Gaian Helmers


Anatomy of a Yawn

Ever have a yawn get stuck?



Well scientists have broken down the yawn into 3 stages. Trigger, Draw and Release.

The Trigger stage is the point where your body knows it needs to yawn, you open your mouth and feel that tension begin in the pit of your chest. It then transitions into the Draw stage.

The Draw stage is the prolonged moment as you draw in a large amount of air and build up into the release stage. This is the iconic action that designates a yawn.

The Release is the breaking point in which the tension of the yawn releases and you get that satisfying relaxation from the completion of your yawn.


Some people, such as myself suffer from “Cyclic Segmentation Syndrome” which is the lack of a change from the Draw stage to the Release stage. It has no known physiological condition but it is a largely suffered syndrome. Some people can miss the switch which is just a missed response however some heavy sufferers of CSS havent ever completed a full yawn cycle.


~Gaian Helmers


Prices for the Letter ‘T’ Going Up

[No-e: -he le–ers in -he -i-le cos- me $385.70USD]

-his jus- in. Prices for -he le–er listed in -he -i-le has risen -o a paramoun- price -oday.

S-ock for -his le–er has dropped like a s-one and has sen- sales skyrocke-ing. Being a small supplier of le–ers has only allowed me -o purchase three uses of -his lis-ed le–er.

I will update wi-h more info when finances allow.

Sell all your -‘s as soon as possible if you own any. Millionairs are popping up everywhere as you read -his.

[No-e: If you can’- read -his. Copy i- -o Word sof-ware and replace all the – with t’s] (cos- me ano-her $128.56 USD)


~Gaian Helmers


April 2nd: De-education Week

April 2nd is finally here and with that we start De-education Week. This is that wonderful time of year where everyone gets the week off school and gets to pump their bodies full of intoxicants and fill their days with TV and Videogames.

However in some countries it is a legal requirement that all education and learning MUST be stopped during this week. Ironically this is due to high stress rates in workers and students.

Dr.Frankfort Dubenholgen was arrested and put in jail for 2 months due to breaking this law. He says he’ll never break it again.



I hope you’re all having a good work day, expect another article this wednesday!


~Gaian Helmers


Murphy’s Law

Murphy’s Law. For those of you who don’t know what that law is, it is the law that if something wrong can happen, it will.

This is a very powerful law and makes itself known at the worst of times… When something can go wrong.

The biggest question though is: Who is this Murphy?

As a follow-up question: Why does he have such a terrible law to his name?

This is a tragic story about the 1300’s Jesus Murphy.

Jesus Murphy is an Eastern Canadian man who has been laced into the local culture since his life there. A proud lumberjack of a great lumberjack family line Jesus Murphy didn’t need much, he had friends and family and his very own house. A house that he had built himself with the spare lumber he harvested that year. [The house was demolished in 1567 due to a bunch of  controversy around his name.]

Unfortunately Jesus Murphy always spoke about how he had a looming cloud of misfortune and swore that one day it would be his end.

Even more unfortunate was that it was.

Jud Akinnas the Mayor of the village that Jesus Murphy resided in suffered from Night Terrors as well as Sleep Paralysis (further explained here). This is a very terrible set of conditions to have. One night during one of Juds spells he saw Jesus Murphy in his nightmares. He swore he was more clear than ever and Jesus Murphy had been casting bad omens upon him. He ended up gathering the whole village against him and soon Jesus Murphy was a wanted man.

Jesus Murphy knew this was his time, he didn’t want to give up his family or friends by fleeing, as he knew his misfortune would catch up to him eventually.

So he submitted to the village. They tied him to a maple tree and wrapped his head in pine needles. He was then fed only maple syrup until he passed away 5 days later.

Many believed this treatment of Jesus Murphy was unjust and others believed he was a saint. And thus a small group of devout followers started a religion on him. This was ingrained into the Eastern Canadian culture but the religion quickly disappeared in the 1400’s leaving only the name and the law.

Murphy’s Law.


~Gaian Helmers


Sterioscopic Man

Now symmetry isn’t a far off concept. It’s the measurement of the mirroring of our many features. To be very symmetrical is to have your eyes level and evenly spaced across from the center of your face, to have your nose straight and level from nostril to nostril, to have your ears in the same position on either side of your head.



The interesting thing about it is WHY we have these double features in most of our bodies, 2 arms; 2 legs; 2 hands; 2 index, middle, ring, pinky fingers; 2 eyes, ears, nostrils, eyebrows, lungs, nipples; 2 sets of toes; etc.

Believe it or not it is solidly set up at the very moment you come into existence. At the very first cell split you become mirrored. 1 total cell becomes 2 with a vertical split down the middle.

Sound familiar? That’s exactly at a cellular level, what we have at a much larger scale. Our single features are actually evolved from a mirrored feature to become a single feature. Which is why we can still measure the symmetry of your mouth for example. In other situations, like with our heart and digestive tract it would be too complicated and elaborate to run with a double organ.


We are a very stereoscopic species.


~Gaian Helmers